A letter to the version of me who feels unlovable after divorce

You are still so loved.

I know right now you feel like a box of Cheerios someone ripped open and then put back on the shelf at the store. Who would want to buy that cereal?

Guess what? You're a person, not cereal. And people don't work that way.

I know vows were made to love you until your dying breath, and now those vows have been broken, and it feels like part of you got broken too.

At night you lie in an empty bed that still smells like his cologne, because you can't bring yourself to wash the sheets. You still wear his t-shirt to bed every night, six months later, because it's the closest thing to a goodnight kiss. You still have his mom's number near the top of your favorites, just in case. Because those were the things being in love looked like. Those were the evidence that you were loved.

You don't miss him. You don't miss your marriage. You just miss being in love and being loved.

Even if it wasn't really love by the end.

Even if every spark of romance got chased by the smoke of an unhealthy marriage.

I know you tied so much of your self-worth to the fact that someone loved you enough to marry you. And now that's over, so it feels like that worth must have changed too.

It hasn't.

You are so intrinsically lovable.

Because you stop on walks to take pictures of the flowers in bloom.

Because you make a healthy, delicious dinner for your sister when she's having a hard day.

Because you have a contagious laugh and you leave everyone better than you found them.

Because you find the silver lining on a cloudy, overcast day.

Because you're wonderful, beautiful, lovely you.

Your marriage ending is not a measure of how lovable you are. Sometimes two people just can't give each other what they need, and that isn't anyone's whole story.

You have so many days, weeks, months, and years ahead of you to figure out where your worth actually comes from. To learn that you are still worthy of love, with a failed marriage or without one.

Take time to date yourself. Spend time in your own head. Get to know your quirks and silly tendencies. Give yourself grace. Practice forgiveness. Focus on gratitude. And then, suddenly, one day, you'll wonder why you didn't see it sooner: how irresistibly lovable you are.