Hi, I'm Lauren
I made this because I really, really needed it.
I got married at 22. My divorce was finalized the day before my 25th birthday (happy birthday to me, I guess). A dog. A joint Costco membership. And no kids.
I had a group of friends and family who showed up for me in huge ways but, very understandably, had no clue what to actually say half the time.
Here's the thing nobody warned me about. The no-kids piece changes everything. There's no custody schedule, no shared school pickup, no built-in reason you ever have to talk to this person again. From the outside it looks pretty clean. Sign the papers, split the stuff, move your boxes. And in some ways, it really is. There's barely any residue.
But that's also what makes it so weird. It feels less like a Big Capital-D Divorce and more like the worst breakup of your life that happens to come with a court date. People kept telling me I was lucky it was simple. And sure. But simple isn't the same as easy, and every single day has felt like a small battle I didn't sign up for.
I really wanted someone to grab my hand and walk me through it. Someone who'd been here in this exact shape of it. Twenty-something, no kids, watching everyone around me get engaged while I was figuring out how to file taxes alone for the first time. I looked. A lot. Online, in real life, in books that were clearly written for women twenty years older than me with a totally different life to untangle. I could not find her anywhere.
So I figured I'd just, try to be her. For whoever needs it next. The Divorce Letters is a little corner of the internet for twenty-something women with no kids going through a divorce, because there is no way I'm the only one out here. Right?
Everything on this site is stuff I wish I'd had at 11pm on a random Tuesday when I was sitting on the floor of my parents' guest bedroom Googling the same questions over and over. None of it replaces a real lawyer or a real therapist (please get both if you can). But hopefully it feels like a hand to hold in between the appointments.
If you're in it right now, hi. I'm so glad you found this. It really does get better. I'll keep showing up here until you believe me.
xo, Lauren
The questions I got asked the most
A short FAQ.
Am I too young to be getting divorced?+
No. There is no right age to leave a marriage that isn't working. Staying because you're worried about the optics is its own kind of trap. The people who matter will catch up.
Is it really easier without kids?+
In some ways, yes. There's no custody, no co-parenting, no shared school pickup. In other ways, it's strangely lonelier. There's no built-in reason to ever speak again, which sounds like a relief and sometimes feels like a void. Both can be true.
How long does this part actually take?+
The legal piece is usually 60 days to 6 months in your 20s without kids. The emotional piece takes longer, and that's normal. Most women I've talked to feel meaningfully better around the 9 to 12 month mark.
Do I need a lawyer if we agree on everything?+
Maybe not, but please book one free 20-minute consultation anyway. You'll learn more in 20 minutes than in 4 hours of Googling, and it's almost always free. If you both truly agree, an online service or mediator can finish it.
When can I start dating again?+
Whenever you want. Some people are ready at six weeks, some at two years. The only timeline that matters is yours. There's a whole guide on this if you want to think it through.
How do I tell people?+
Short and once. There's a script in the Friendship guide that gives you exact words for the group chat, your parents, and the well-meaning coworker. You don't owe anyone the long version.
What if I still love them?+
You can love someone and still know it isn't right. Both things get to be true at the same time. Loving them is not a reason to stay, and leaving doesn't undo what was real.
An important note
I'm not your lawyer or your therapist.
Everything on The Divorce Letters is written from my own experience and a lot of research. It is not legal advice, and it is not therapy. Please don't make a legal or medical decision based on a blog post (even mine).
Find a real family lawyer in your state for legal questions. Find a licensed therapist for the harder emotional days. Both of those things made the biggest difference for me, and there are sliding-scale and free options on the resources page if cost feels impossible right now.
If you are in crisis, please reach out for real support. In the US, call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline). In the UK, call Samaritans at 116 123. You don't have to go through the worst of it alone.
A good place to start
Pick the guide that matches whatever's loudest in your head right now. Or grab the Starter Kit if you want everything in one place.