How to tell the people in your life (a script)
The exact words for the group chat, the parents, and the well-meaning coworker who won't stop asking. Plus permission to mute everything for a day.
3 min read
By Lauren
Founder, The Divorce Letters. Divorced at 25, no kids.
You don't owe anyone the story. You owe yourself a sentence you can say without crying, and a follow-up you can repeat without losing your mind. Here are both.
The group chat version: 'Hey loves, I wanted to share that [Name] and I are getting divorced. It's the right call and I'm okay. I'll share more when I'm ready. For now, please just be normal with me.' Send it. Then mute the chat for 24 hours.
“You don't owe anyone the story. You owe yourself a sentence you can say without crying.”
The parents and family version. Usually better in a phone call, not a text. 'I want to tell you something before you hear it elsewhere. [Name] and I are separating. I've thought about this for a long time and I'm sure. I'm not asking for advice right now. I'm asking for support.' That last line saves so many conversations.
When someone asks what happened: 'It's a long one. The short version is we both deserved more than what we were giving each other.' That's a complete answer. You're allowed to stop there.
When someone gets weird and overshares about their own marriage: smile, nod, redirect. You are not anyone's free therapist right now.
And when someone says the wrong thing (and someone will), assume good intent and let it go. They'll do better next time. You have bigger things to spend energy on.
What to do this week
Three small, doable things.
- 1Write your one-sentence version in your Notes app today. Read it out loud once. Edit until it feels true.
- 2Decide on three people who hear it first, in what order, before anyone else.
- 3Mute the group chat for 48 hours after you send the message. The world keeps spinning.
Want it all in one place?
The Starter Kit has the long version of this guide, plus checklists, the scripts for the hard conversations, and a 30-day plan you can actually follow.
See the Starter KitLauren
Founder of The Divorce Letters. Got married at 22, divorced at 25, no kids, one dog. Writes the things she wishes she'd had at 11pm on a random Tuesday.
If you're dealing with...
Read this next.
For the day after you tell people, when it all hits at once
EmotionalThe five kinds of crying you'll probably do →If you're still figuring out what's actually happening to share
LegalWhat a no-fault divorce actually looks like →For when the group chat starts asking if you're 'out there yet'
DatingDating again: a slow, kind starting point →
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